THIS IS WHAT WASTING YOUR LIFE FEELS LIKE
Sept 9, 2025

Long time no see. I've been ridiculously busy with my job, a job so overwhelming I now feel like for more than half of the time between my last update and now I have been in a distant fugue state where I locked myself in a box and threw away the key, and something else has been piloting my body along instead. Realizing my mind has not been mine was frustrating but I'm starting to get back to myself. It feels like I wasted a lot of time, a lot of life. But part of what has provided me relief is a deadline: I quit this job mid-December and by January 1st I'll have moved to Colorado with my partner to start grad school and start a new chapter of my life. It's funny, before now most of my major life transitions, even when they are good, have been met with anxiety. Going to college, graduating college. But right now all I can feel is relief at this next change. Maybe once I'm packing everything up I'll have to contend more with leaving Texas, the state I've called home for 22.5 years (I was actually born in Massachusetts and spent 6 months in Rhode Island, so not technically "born and bred" Texan), but truly I think this job is making it so I'm just relieved at anything that will take me away.

Funnily enough, I am writing this on the day of my 1-year work anniversary. I've been here exactly 1 year now. I do not get how some of these people stay here for years and years. Some people make this place their whole career; my manager's manager has been here 50 years. But that is the minority; turnover rates are high here. About half of my training cohort is gone and that's actually surprisingly good odds for many groups. They lost basically everyone from a group that started after mine.

Anyway, I do have work today so a short update but I missed writing. Have a good one, Neocities.

xo, chasey.