I'm in my queer history in the south class and I'm feeling a lot less... I guess... sappy and poetic about transgenderism than the book we're reading. Like there's this idea that "trans" is a "method" and I don't know, I'm just like, "what?" and it's like, "being trans is a rainbow of geneologies!" and honestly? I'm like... no it's not. Like I respect those that came before me and I think queer history is important to the queer present but I'm just a little tired of this whole "interweaving" bit that's going on. "Are sex workers transgender because they challenge normative cisgender society?" No. There are transgender sex workers but they are transgender AND sex workers. Cisgender sex workers ARE NOT TRANSGENDER. And they're not even all a part of trans history. There are cisgender sex workers, drag queens, etc. that are a part of trans history, but you can't say any challenge to gender norms is transgenderism or trans history. Gender nonconformity is dope as fuck, I've been talking to a gender nonconforming cis guy right now who performs in a metal band wearing a little black dress and lipstick, but he's not trans, or trans history. He's dope as fuck but conflating GNC and trans histories kind of makes being trans out to be only that.

Personally, I think I'm a trans faggot in a new unique way that no one has ever trans faggoted before. I think I have fun with it in a wacky new way, but a different fun than any other trans person has or had with it before. We share similar struggles but even those are different: I'm overweight, but not considered "fat," usually just unattractive, and that intersects with everything else. Every individual thing about my body, my loves, my attitudes, my fears makes me a transfag that, while connected with trans history, has no "geneology" with any of you. I think perhaps in a bid to get away from "blood" family, we have rebuilt familial structures in our friend groups and in our history, but I don't know, maybe we shouldn't?

I don't know. I won't ask for y'alls opinion, because I don't want it, but I stayed silent on it in class because the thought wasn't fully formed. And still kind of isn't. Maybe I'm just burnt out on queer... semantics. Queer history philosophy. I love queer people, I love queer action. That's what I look at queer history for.