The other day, I added some stuff to the archive talking about Pete Wentz. I subtly referanced the existance of a... deep problem... in regards to this 44 year-old man. I've read his LiveJournal, I feel a deep connection to his... I don't want to just say mental struggles, more like his... being? His way of writing, too. Every little detail gets picked up, everything's always a half-metaphor. When I'm actually able to get my feelings into words, it's the very same. I read some of these lines and it's that same horror of when someone, out of the blue, seems to perfectly guess something very personal and true about you. Each one punches me in the stomach like a boxer in the ring..

Me and my friend were talking about Pete Wentz's relationship with Patrick Stump and how in the 2000s it seemed Patrick was Pete's favorite person; he was glued to him in an unhealthy way. To my friend, it reminded them of the Richard Siken line, "If you love me, Henry, you don't love me in a way I understand." The two love each other, but Pete loves in an incomprehensible, all encompassing way. And my god, as he was saying that, that heart-wrenching feeling was sneaking up on me. It was like I got my soul read and it wasn't even about me. Thankfully it's not as much a brainrot when I'm mentally well. If I start going too hard in to the 2005-2007 Pete Wentz feels, I am seriously in a fucked up place. Currently it just feels like Pete Wentz is the only guy out there who understands the kind of Big Emotions I have in there... It would be a dream come true just to talk with him for a bit, get his perspective on things, talk about how I relate to his words, ask about his life and inspirations. I feel like it would heal me. Or make me worse. Hard to tell for sure.