my hands hurt.

I feel restless in everything I'm doing lately. Restless but exhausted. The dry, hard skin at the corners of my fingernails bothers me to no end. I've got multiple inflammed scratches or puncture injuries on my hands, from my cat, from my job, from sewing patches on my denim jacket. From life.
I took Monday off work this week thinking it would leave me more rested. I was wrong. I still feel like I'm wound tight, tight tight tight.
I also can't keep but wondering when I'll be "fixed," y'know? I started going to this therapist, a neurobiological feedback guy. He said he should have my system regulated in 6 weeks.
It's been 8 weeks. And I don't even think he was trying to pull one over on me, I think the issues I have are long-standing, deep-seated, and hard to pull out of being automatic. My best friend recently brought up that he was frustrated that I didn't want to do something but I refused to say "no." I tried telling him that's actually the most assertive I'd been trying to say "no" in years, I just stopped short of... saying it. His frustration turned to concern.
He hasn't talked to me today (unrelated)- I'm trying to self-soothe that the silence does not mean he is mad at me for something he refuses to disclose. That's how a lot of my prior friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships... have gone. I don't quite know how to manage it, either. It feels like I would become exhausting if I was constantly asking "are you mad at me? are you mad at me? are you mad at me?" but the skill to calm myself down is only half-established. I can get the car running but there's still that offputting noise...
At this point I'd truly take a magic potion that got... this... done and over with. Haven't I dealt with it long enough? The over-thinking? The meticulous horror of upkeeping relationships? Imagining it is all on me? I'm tired of it but it feels like it's locked into place. I'm pulling at the edges, bending and maybe even taking off pieces, but the majority of it isn't going anywhere. And it's exhausting feeling like no one cares, or, less like cares and more like... looking out for me. People might care, but my brain tells me it's of little gravity to them, it's like a sad movie...